


Broken

by Maraudererasmut



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Depression, Full Moon, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Remus Lupin, I'm Sorry, Morning After, One Shot, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Short One Shot, Sorry about this!, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, The Prank, Wordcount: 100-500
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-20 22:15:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21064052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maraudererasmut/pseuds/Maraudererasmut
Summary: The thoughts in Remus' mind the morning after "The Prank".





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Mentions of suicide, self harm, depression, blood and self-hatred.
> 
> This is all angst. Only angst. Beyond here, thar be angst. 
> 
> You have been warned.

Remus felt his insides twist and churn. He felt like he couldn't breath, like his lungs couldn't take in air, like he would never be able to taste oxygen ever again. He felt the icy chill of dread and terror wrap it's spindly fingers around him, grasping at him, squeezing the very life out of him.  
  
His eyes were burning, hot streaks of tears running down his face. His cheeks were swollen, stinging, as he uselessly dried them, only to find them soaked again.  
  
Everything hurt. _Everything_. He had to wrap his arms around himself just to keep his body from falling apart, dropping to the floor in pieces. Tension was building up from inside, gnawing at him, tearing at him, clawing its way out.  
  
He had done a terrible thing.  
  
Of course he had done a terrible thing: he was a monster.  
  
That's what monsters did: they took everything good and pure and perfect in the world, and they tore it apart, bit by bit.  
  
It was there on the dusty floor, huddled up for warmth against the bite of winter, naked in a pool of blood-- it was there that Remus knew he didn't deserve to be alive.  
  
Monsters were terrible, and they deserved to be put down. To be taken out back and shot. To be punished for their crimes against all of humanity; the crime of existing.  
  
It was there on that floor that Remus knew he needed to die. He shouldn't draw another breath. He couldn't allow himself another chance to ruin any more lives. He needed to die, and he was the only person who could do it.  
  
Remus clawed at his arms with dull, bloody nails, tearing at his skin, trying to numb the pain within, temper it, keep it from coming out. He squeezed his eyes shut, knowing deep inside-- telling himself over and over and over in his own head-- this had to be the end. He couldn't go on one more day. He shouldn't give himself any more leeway. Not this time. Not this month. Not like he always does.  
  
He didn't deserve it.


End file.
